In a Funk

I feel so blessed. I don't think I would have made it through this year without God in my life & the support of my family, seriously. It's been a rough year but I have been able to work through it. I have made a few sacrifies but it's been worth it. Today, I registered for my final semester in Grad school. I will soon be Brenda Torrentes, MSW. I can't wait! Now, the questions are: What will my next step in life be? What population will I work with? Will I relocate?

I've been plagued with all these thoughts for quite some time now. I've realized, however, that I can no longer allow for these thoughts to interfere with my life. I mean, I don't think it got as serious that it would really interfere. But these thoughts just kinda take away from enjoying life's simplicities and beautifully present moments. I no longer am overwhelmed by it and have decided I will just........take it a day at a time. There really isn't much I can do. I have left it in the hands of God.

Today is Sunday (December 19th). This post was a draft that I just happened to open and added to from the first paragraph. Also, it was my last post from November. A lot has happened since, of course. I decided to get a blog because I simply enjoy writing. My life as of late.... it's pretty simple. Not many complexities, which is good, it's just been quite uneventful. I have mostly happy days, and this week has been quite crappy due to several reasons; but I can always find something to be grateful for, even on my lousiest ones.

Days shouldn't just come and go. It happens seldomly, but it still does occur when I feel as if life just passes me by. I want to take advantage of each and every day, as it is a gift. Lately, I feel as if I have not done so. I don't like my "blah" days. I'm having one of those today. Sometimes I go through phases where I just want to withdraw, now more than ever actually. Unfortunately, it is due to certain recent incidents. It is my time now to recollect, re-evaluate, and gather my thoughts.

I write, mostly for myself. Sometimes without making sense. I write, with hopes that maybe someone will run into this and I could inspire. I write because if I wouldn't, I'd go mad; even if I feel like withdrawing at times, I couldn't imagine my life without having a form of expression and the urge to communicate. Let it go. Random thought: always be who you are, in truth, and in love.

Soul Rebel

I remember being a little more carefree, and a little more unconventional as I was growing up. Soul rebel serves as a reminder of truly living and not going through life asleep or routinely. Find that spark and spontaneity to make this life worthwhile, even if it's in the smallest things. Life is in the details after all. The world is way too immense, and life is beautifully short, as it can abruptly end; to not fully enjoy it and be happy. Sometimes we've got to stir it up. While my core and essence is and always will be of a free spirit; I feel that at times as human beings, we can become vulnerable enough and effortlessly succumb to things that tend to overshadow and control us. That happens of course, only if we allow it. Truly living is not only in the acts that cause us enjoyment, but in the stillness and peace within simplicity that enriches our soul. I see this painting (artist unknown) as a reflection of me; as my interpretation of it is of a warrior. Freely progressing through life with courage, strength, confidence, wisdom, benevolence, and most importantly, LOVE. Take a stand and always follow the beat of your own drum.

<3 B.

Racing for a Cure

Today was the Susan G. Komen Race for a Cure - 5k fitness walk/run in Downtown Miami. It's the largest series of fitness walks/runs in the world. This event is designed to promote positive awareness, education, and early detection of breast cancer. Over the past 15 years Miami-Dade has raised over millions of dollars to help fund the fight against breast cancer through this organization.

It was such an amazing, emotional, and inspiring experience. Not to mention, it was such a beautiful day, clear skies and great temperature for us in Miami!! It was a true celebration of life. Children, women, and men from all walks of life and all different ages assisted the event. It was incredible to see how many young women are affected by this terrible disease, but fascinating to see how many survivors their were! (A few of the ladies in the hot pink shirts in the pic above.) I LOVED how everyone united to support this cause!

My best friend Sasha and I walked in celebration of my mom, who thankfully did not have breast cancer but did have pre-cancerous cells. This means that she was at-risk for cancer and had it not been detected early on, it was possible for it to have developed into cancer. Mom had these cells removed through radiation and is now back to normal; thank GOD, the unbelievable support from family, friends, and the amazing team at UM Sylvester Comprehensive Cancer Center.

I encourage all women to get routine check ups, as detection for breast cancer at an early stage provides a greater opportunity for treatment!!!

Love,

B.

Overclouded.

The world continues to turn on this very gloomy day. So many events happening all around the world at this very present moment. I can't help but think about humanity and everything else people may be experiencing, generating a variety of thoughts and emotions. I discovered such tragic news about the death of a baby not even 2 months old today. I know the family, although not very closely.

However, one does not have to be close to someone to indeed feel the heartwrench of an individual; in this case, the loss of innocence - a child. I can only empathize with the family. But I cannot say what it feels like, if I have never experienced the loss of someone so close to me. An unexplained mystery, a short-lived life, a true angel called upon to the Lord. May he be in His glory.

Death, it's not something we often think about. So natural yet unexpected, but oddly enough, comforting. It's really made me reflect upon life and loved ones. For I am incredibly grateful for everyone I have in my life and everything I've been given; including my surroundings. My appreciation towards life goes as simple and deep as the exhilarating flutter of a butterfly.

I've learned to be more expressive and kinder than usual, that family is the most valuable and important thing in this world. Also, that sometimes we've got to stop or take a brief pause at that and continue with mindfulness, soaking in the present day and what life and the most significant people in our lives have to offer. If we listen closely and open our eyes, we wouldn't miss out on certain moments that can capture our precious hearts and change us forever. Never hesitate to let someone know how you feel, especially if they mean a lot to you. You never know, it might be too late.

My most heartfelt sympathy goes out to the Hodson family. <3

Love and prayers,

B.

How I know your face, all the ways you move..

I wonder how connected two people can be. Perhaps if strong thoughts are released, similar vibrations can be awakened by the person I am thinking of. Then we can both think of each other at the same time. I miss him.

Such a beautiful song, for such a wonderful memory.... as he continues to be my favorite book.

Strange day.

I have this strange butterfly feeling in my tummy. I feel a lil anxious and nervous and I'm not sure why. I've felt like this all day. It's almost like a feeling of uncertainty.. kinda like the first day of school in kindergarten or the 1st grade. You don't know what to expect. But isn't that life?

So I've been working on my GLBT presentation for Friday. It's really interesting. It's been such a chill day. I love rainy days! I stayed in with my grandma. I'm so excited because I got these new different colored pigment samples from BFTE Cosmetics -- All Natural Mineral Makeup! I can't wait to try them out. I am feeling extra lazy and do not feel like going to my belly dance class tonight. I honestly just want to be a couch potatoe today and watch tv, a good movie, or catch up on my reading. I have a pile of books I've bought to read for leisure and haven't quite gotten around to doing much reading. I never get to do that because I'm always doing something, and it's usually school related.

Bliss: A last meeting.

That looks so peaceful. I wish I was there right now... breathing all that fresh air in with Jack Johnson, Norah Jones, Emiliana Torrini, Amos Lee, or John Mayer playing in the background. Those are the artists that would vivify that moment of clarity and serenity upon me, along with the sound of waves. I could sure use it.

I just woke up from a very....long nap! It felt so good but I'm still tired and sleepy. But I must start on a paper for my Practice class. I can see myself not sleeping tonight or for the next couple of days. That seems to be the normal thing for me to do as of lately. Well, not really. I'm kind of nocturnal. I feel best and function better at night anyway. Today was such an intense day. Sometimes I wonder why I'm in this field. Then I just have to remind myself the love I have for humanity and the desire to make a difference in this crazy world where everyone else just seems to not care or disregard really important issues.

I really feel for my clients, especially the children. They feel greatly at fault for their parent's actions, mistakes, and irresponsibilities. There are a million factors to take into consideration, though. I should make a post about that alone one of these days. Quite frankly, today, I was not at my best. I like to give my clients all of me, and I usually do. I want to really be able to feel what they feel so that I can connect with them and help them in some way. But today, it was almost as if I really wasn't there. Well, my mind, at least. This is the first time this happens to me. My client felt good at the end of the session and was very happy and thankful for the time I gave them. The session actually lasted 2 hours. It's only supposed to be 1 :-x, but she really needed to vent. I'm learning.

I've been a little irritated these past few days. I'm just tired of a lot of things. Lately, I've just been keeping to myself which is not all that bad. I bought different shades of yellow over the weekend to try different makeup looks. I'm trying to make more time for that because I need to practice more on people in order to get my business rolling. There's always new techniques that can be applied. The best thing I like about makeup is that you can be so creative with it. There are no rules and there's inspiration everywhere.

Love and blessings,

Brenda